I’m not a cheerleader kind of guy. In fact, just the thought of cheerleaders at a soccer game makes me nauseous. Soccer is not the place for sideline entertainment with scantily clad girls wearing beatific smiles and perfect fake breasts.
Push’um Up! Push’um Up! Waaaaaaaay Up!
If you haven’t noticed, we have cheerleaders in MLS. Yes. Cheerleaders. I’m not making it up. I’m not talking about song captains. I’m not talking about spontaneous and organic cheers and jeers of fans in the normal course of a soccer game. I’m talking about cheerleaders.
Think NFL. Think NBA. Think college. Think high school. Think unbelievable. Think I’m going to vomit.
Yay! Score a Goal Unit!
It’s my understanding that Houston Dynamo, Chivas, and LA Galaxy have cheerleaders. There may be others but I couldn’t stand it anymore so I stopped searching.
Our Boys are scheduled to play in Houston on Wednesday, so I contacted Dynamo management. I was informed that the girls are featured at the pre-game and half time shows but that they aren’t part of the “action” during the game. I felt a bit better until they informed me that the girls do mingle with guests during the game and that they are part of the Dynamo “branding”. Think I’m going to vomit again.
As if the rest of the world needs more to ridicule us about. As if American fans need that distraction. Sadly, maybe they do. Think I’m going to cry.
It’s clear that teams continue marketing to 10 year old girls and their parents who attend as an obligation. Seems the girls need something to “aspire to”, their moms need something to reminisce about, and their dads need something to keep them occupied during the game.
Much has been done to move the game forward. Now much is being done to move it back. Think I’m going to cry again.
The game has always been about the game. It’s always been about the passionate fans. It’s always been about the local and collective soccer cultures. It’s always been about history. It’s never been about cheerleaders.
Push’um back! Push’um back! Waaaaaaay Back!
But there’s good news on the local front. Our CVI and Pid gurus have convinced the front office that a decision in favor of cheerleaders would be detrimental to Colorado if not MLS and soccer in general. That’s right; The Rapids don’t plan to have cheerleaders at DSGP!
Yay! Rah! Sis-Boom-Bah!
There’s always hope. But there isn’t always someone willing to consider the ramifications of such a decision beyond a short term gain achieved by manipulating the shameless impulses of men who prefer to oogle girls rather than experiencing the beauty of the game. I’m thankful to Rapids’ management for their decision and have told them so.
Don’t get me wrong. Genetics and evolution dealt me the same cards. But everything has a place and time, and the place for watching Ellie May and Daisy Duke isn’t anywhere near a professional soccer game and, for Colorado, I pray the time will never come.
Disagree? Here’s your chance:
Next time on OTB: Referees wear striped shirts and baseball caps, throw penalty flags, and use instant replay while fans enjoy commercial television breaks.
That’s it for now. Send your questions, comments, ideas, mail, etc: Click Here to Email OTB!
And remember … it’s fun to play Outside The Box!
Disclaimers: (1) OTB is intended for mature audiences. While this leaves only a handful from CVI and even fewer Pids, you folks are welcome to check in. If you’re not a member of either group … congratulations; You obviously have good judgment and better things to do. (2) OTB is frequently sarcastic, rarely accurate, always messed up and may offend on occasion, but it’s all in good fun so I’m pretty sure we can deal with it. (3) The remarks, rants, raves, opinions and other content of OTB are rarely shared (and are never approved of) by MLS, the Rapids’ front office or the founders of Class VI and Pid Army (in whose names we pray)
